Vanity Insanity

There are several stages of motherhood that have you always on your toes in terms of do I look fab or shab!

Remember that glowing stage of pregnancy, which is then followed by the hair falling out, spot congested and downright tired look immediately after birth, which is ironic seeing as that’s when you want the most encouragement.

Personally, call it what you will... I cannot even go to the garbage without my make up on. Ok, maybe not a full face but definitely my foundation and mascara. Now before you judge there are a few reasons for my feeling of self-conscious and being a short with not-exactly-fashionable glasses and train braces teenager in a school renowned for its notoriously ‘tougher’ students is just one contributing factor. It took a while for me to ‘blossom’ lets say!

I had my time when I left school, grabbing the attention of young suitors. Feeling a powerful young woman oozing full-bodied female pheromones!

So now being a mother I find a whole new world of issues! It appears with each child, the time it takes to get ready doubles and the time you actually have to achieve your mission halves.

It has to be said I am a woman of “Fads”. If something tells me it will get rid of wrinkles, I have wrinkles to be got rid... if it tells me it slows down the aging process I’m in times 100!!

So, I’m somewhat into a new longer routine with my evening skin care and morning make up and I won’t bore you with details but it involves 92% Snail excrement, seaweed and a lot of coal.

I personally thought I was doing well with it all until yesterday morning I came out of the bathroom and went to give Felicity a kiss as she’s sat relaxing playing her games (Edward is asleep by the way) and she pulls away before I seal the deal and says “urghhh mummy you have boo boos under your eyes”. To which I am a little taken a back and go into the bathroom to see what she is turning her little button nose up even more at. It would appear that I have put so much concealer under my eyes that it has congealed in the wrinkles and I effectively have cream filled lines!

I fix them and come back to resume obtaining this now even more necessary kiss... “I don’t like your muchstick!” That’s lipstick by the way, which although is a tad darker than usual is still nice... I think...

I proceed to tell her the benefits of me wearing this new lipstick as the lady in the shop had told me, “it has a young glossy appearance, it’s super moisturizing, makes your lips look naturally plump, it will wear well...” I notice at this point not only is she itching to get back to her game, she also seems to have a very empathetic look about her, almost like she is feeling a little sorry for me and my sad desperation. Obviously, she is only two and a half so pretty sure she just wants to dress Peppa Pig and then make bird food for the ducks on her new game. 

I sulk back to the bathroom and tidy up my war paint.

I get dressed and try something new with my hair that I saw on Pinterest. I stand back and admire my handy work and happily skip through to the bedroom again to check the princess is still ok. It’s difficult to tell whether she is causing trouble or just playing her game as she is quietly concentrating.

My darling little lady takes one look at me and in a ‘Chris Rock’ like tone and head cocked to one side says “Mummy, what happened to your hair?!?”

I take another look in the mirror and realize she does have a point... unicorns are back in but having hair looking like a pleated mane from a My Little Pony character is probably not the best look I’ve gone for. The woman on the video looked so pretty, with her luscious locks, smooth skin and perfectly applied make up. She was also over 10 years younger than me.

I sigh and briefly recall times when make up was a 5-minute job and I got the occasional wink. Then the memory fades into the mirror and I resume to just being ME. Mother of two tiny people with a whole lot of energy and sass it would appear!

I leave the bathroom with my usual part up hair. I wait for another cutting comment from flippin’ Coco Chanel in the corner and she looks up, smiles and says “Mummy you’re beautiful”. My lip quivers and my eyes become blurred with the little tears welling in them... My gorgeous children teaching me lessons on how to be myself!